In the fourth episode of the “Toxic” series, the Geopop series that gives voice to those who lived firsthand the abuse of substances and drug addiction, we had the pleasure of speaking with Tizianaa 31 -year -old girl who is the courier and the tattoo artist today. His story teaches us how the fear of being injured can lead to the construction of an aggressive armor and the use of substances not so much for addiction – cocaine and crack in his case, but to play a role and defend himself from the world. With the testimonies such as that of Tiziana, Maurizio, Gianluca and Ivana, we try to understand that the drug is often only the tip of the iceberg of a deeper malaise, made of fragility and insecurity.
Tiziana’s story starts from afar, from a profound sense of inadequacy already born in elementary school. After changing school and country, the latest arrival has always felt, a feeling that pushed her to look for a way to stand out. “I’ve always had this desire to be out of the lines,” he says. Despite a present and loving family, Tiziana has deliberately chosen to become the “black sheep”, looking for the company of older people with a “wrong” air, which she saw as idols. This choice, however, was not born from a real attraction for that world, but from a need for protection, to try not to be afraid and have a sort of armor. This fear translated into extreme aggression, in those years violence for Tiziana was a way to anticipate pain, attacking before being attacked.
Behind the image of the hard girl there was a profound contradiction: to a facade by “God who went down to earth” corresponded to a very low self -esteem. Aggression was therefore a mask to hide its vulnerability, and the substances became the tool to consolidate this character. The meeting with drugs (cannabis, cocaine, ecstasy) took place at 13 years of age, but for Tiziana it was not an escape from reality, as much as an “dependence on the image” that she wanted to project. The test came when, engaged to a boy who did not use drugs, he stopped everything for two years without any difficulty.
The end of that relationship had as a consequence the beginning of a darker phase. He started again with cocaine and quickly passed to crack, ending up in total insulation and arriving 48 kilos. The spiral interrupted with a car accident, which pushed his parents to give her an ultimatum: the community of San Patrignano or outside the house. For a week alone, Tiziana understood that she had touched the bottom and accepted the help.
The path in the community, which lasted three and a half years, did not change her character, but taught her to manage insecurity without aggression and to accept her fragility. When asked about what he would say to the thirteen -year -old herself, Tiziana responds without hesitation:
To never feel judged, because everyone always judges you. You must be yourself, without fear of being ugly, beautiful, unpleasant, nice, because there will be so much people who see you beautiful and there will be people who see you ugly. You will never like everyone.
His story is a powerful reminder of the importance of listennot only the advice of those who love us, but above all themselves. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness, but the first step to get out of critical situations and stop “throwing away time”, to finally start growing.
